Twenty One Chaotic Genres
by One-Eyed Lady
Summary: Some are afraid, most are annoyed. Pyro's having fun, and The Author is insane! The X-men cast are kidnapped by two crazy teenage girls and forced to complete the Genre Challenge. Co-Written with Strawberry M
1. The Beginning

Hello everyone. The One-Eyed Lady here. This story was Co-Authored with my sister, Strawberry M&M. She doesn't have an account, so we're posting this on mine.

This story was inspired by the White Collar fic "Twenty in Twenty" by Kiki Cabou. It's awesome, so as soon as you're done here you should go and read it.

**Disclaimer:** Neither the One-Eyed Lady nor Strawberry M&M own X-men Evolution. It belongs to Marvel and Stan Lee. We also don't own the Twenty Genres Challenge. That belongs to Kiki Cabou.

**Warnings:** Extreme Silliness, Complete and Utter Lack of Any Semblance of a Plot, Character Abduction, Gratuitous Abuse of Author Powers.

This story was not Beta'd. All mistakes belong to the One-Eyed Lady.

For the purpose of this fic, Strawberry M&M goes by "The AUTHOR" and One-Eyed Lady is "The Consultant."

* * *

**Bold: AUTHOR'S (Strawberry M&M) dialogue**

Underlined: The Consultant's (One-Eyed Lady) dialogue

_Italics: Sound Effects/Descriptions_

* * *

Presenting...

**The Twenty-One Chaotic Genres of X-men Evolution Fan-Fiction!**

**Chapter One: The Beginning of the Madness, and the Interminable Introductions**

_Iceman, Rogue, Colossus, Pyro, Gambit, Scarlet Witch, Toad, Nightcrawler, Cyclops, and Magneto find themselves locked in a mostly empty room, while a five-foot four inch and a quarter tall brunette girl wearing a pink T-shirt and a pair of blue jeans sits in the corner, in a director's chair, holding a video camera. _

"Who are you?" Colossus asks.

**I am The AUTHOR! **

The AUTHOR stands up and sets the video camera on a stand.

"Where are we?" Iceman asks, looking around.

**Knowing your location is not important. **

"Tell us where we are!" Magneto demands.

**Well, I'm certainly not telling you with _that_ attitude, Mister. **

"Come on, Sheila," Pyro pleads. "Tell us! Please?"

**Nope.**

"Pretty please?

**I won't tell. You can't make me! **

"Pretty please with flaming buildings on top?" Pyro pleads once more, giving the AUTHOR the puppy-dog eyes look.

"Come on, Petite, it's jus' a location," Gambit says.

**Not the eyes! Not the French nicknames! Stupid foreigners and their cool accents and words. Fine. Um...I'm gonna need some assistance answering the whole location question. One minute, I need some backup. **

An older, taller blonde girl with glasses magically appears in the room.

"Where'd she come from, yo?" Toad yelps, hopping backward.

**She comes from...I don't know where actually. She came from wherever she was before I magically poofed her here.**

"Who is she?" the Scarlet Witch asks.

**She's the powerful, amazing, CONSULTANT!**

The AUTHOR turns to The Consultant, smiles, and waves enthusiastically.

Hey! Where am I?

"There's actually been a fair bit of debate about that, luv," answers Pyro.

**I needed you, so now you're here!**

Yeah, but why do I need to be here? I'm just your editor. 

**Because they want to know where they are and I don't know what to tell them. **

Well, why are you looking at me? I don't know where we are! Why does it matter anyway? 

**Pyro asked pretty please with flaming buildings on top! And Gambit called me Petite! You know I can't resist that. And the fact that Pyro was doing the puppy-dog-eyes did NOT help my resistance! **

You're weird... and a complete pushover. 

**I know. Why do think I need you? Somebody's gotta be able to put their foot down!**

"Look, all of dis is mighty interestin'," Gambit says. "But Remy don' see what de point of us being here is."

"I have homework to do!" Iceman complains.

"I _was_ in the middle of a painting..." Colossus says. "Is this very important?"

**I'm sorry about keeping you from your painting, Petey, but I'm afraid that I have to do this now. Don't worry. This won't take up all day...I hope. **

"What are we even doing?" Cyclops demands.

**Right now we are standing here, well, some of you are sitting...Why doesn't everyone sit down in these nice little wooden chairs I've provided until we get started and everything? You all look so uncomfortable! Sit down! **

Most everybody sits down, except for Magneto.

**Magsy, sit. **

"My name is Magneto, you silly girl!" Magneto says loudly, "And I will not sit until you tell us what is going on!"

**Really? That's funny. I thought it was Bucket-Head...anywho. Sit. And don't call me silly!**

"I refuse," Magneto glares. "And I shall call you what I wish!"

**Hiss. Hiss I say! Fine. Be that way. But anyway, MOST of you are sitting here chatting when we should be doing my twenty-one genres thing. **

Questioning stares were aimed at The AUTHOR and The Consultant at this announcement.

"What are genres?" Bobby asks.

**Genres are...Um. I don't know how to explain it. Genres are genres.**

Genres are different types or categories of stories or other literary works. Humor, Tragedy, Romance, etc. 

**Thank you, Consultant! I knew I had a good reason to bring you here. **

Hmph. Alright, down to business. The challenge today is to complete twenty different story genres. We'll draw one out of a hat and call it out. You _all_ then have to do something that fits within the parameters of that specific genre. It could be acting, funny one-liners, or anything that gives an example of what that genre is about.

"Like, act it out?" Iceman asks.

**Exactly! Really, Bobby. I think you're getting smarter! **

Okay, we need to hurry this up. We've wasted pretty much three pages already and we haven't even started. 

"Huh?" Toad scratched his head. "What do you mean three pages, yo?"

**Long story. **

Literally!

**And just because this is kinda long doesn't mean it's a disaster, my dearest Consultant. But you're right. Let's get on with it. **

"There's no way Ah'm doin' this!" Rogue says indignantly.

"Yeah!" the Scarlet Witch agrees.

"Oi don't know," Pyro says. "Oi think it'll be fun!"

**Thank you, Johnny. **

"That's because you're one fry short of a happy meal, yo!" Toad says.

"One fry short of a happy meal?" Colossus blinks. "What does that mean exactly?"

It means crazy, loony, a few screws loose, not all there, escaped from the funny farm, the loony bin...WACKO! Which is what I will be if we don't hurry up and start this blasted thing! 

"Oh," Colossus blushes. "Thank you."

The AUTHOR turns to the video camera which was fixed on its stand, recording the whole thing.

**Hello humans, mutants, and citizens of Pluto. (And yes, I know, you ARE a planet!) I am your ever-so-insane host, THE AUTHOR!**

_applause comes from out of nowhere_

**...thank you, thank you, and this is my assistant, editor, and close relative, The Consultant! **

_once again, applause comes, though not as energetically as before_

I deny any and all relation to this lunatic. For the record, I disowned her years ago.

**Yes, well, you know you love me! Anyway! We bring you...Twenty-ONE Fan-Fic Genres LIVE on your favorite TV channel, TCBWSIE! **

_more applause _

This is on TV? 

**Yep. **

Wonderful. What does TCBWSIE stand for? 

**Why, The Craziest, Boring-est, Weirdest Station In Existence of course! Now, on with our show! Here we have your favorite mutants, including: **

**The Mysterious Nightcrawler, that fuzzy blue elf, KURT WAGNER! **

_applause_

**Our very own Fearless (most of the time) Team Leader, Cyclops! Give a hand to SCOTT SUMMERS!**

_loud booing and hissing _

"Huh?" Scott shouts indignantly.

**The Mystical and Terrifying, as Stunningly Beautiful as she is Deadly, Scarlet Witch! Also known as WANDA MAXIMOFF!**

_applause_

**The reckless Iceboy...er Man aka BOBBY DRAKE!**

_more boos and hisses_

"Hey!" Bobby shouts.

**The Fun-Killing Bucket, I mean...MAGNETOOO! **

_booing, no hissing _

The Acolytes laugh at that, and Magneto turns purple in fury

**The Amazing, Unique, Funny,Wonderful, Cute...**

Yes thank you. While I'm sure you could spend hours praising him, we do have a SHOW to get on with!

**Hey! That was uncalled for. Spoilsport. Anyway, as I was saying before I was so RUDELY interrupted...Pyro! That's right folks, the one and only ST. JOHN ALLERDYCE!**

_applause and cheering _

**The Sweet Metal Man and Gentle Giant, Colossus. That wonderful Russian, PIOTR RASPUTIN!**

_applause_

**The Temperamental, the Feisty, the Gorgeous, ROGUE!**

_applause_

_pauses_

**The...um, Anti-Hygienic TOAD!**

_s__ilence _

**And finally, the moment you all've been waiting for...the Charming, the Sneaky, the Popular, Talented, Handsome, Egomaniac...Gambit! The Prince of Thieves, REMY LEBEAU! **

_hysteric cheering, screaming, sounds of fainting in the isles..._

Remy just smirks.

**Okay, that concludes the introductions.**

* * *

One-Eyed Lady here. We hope you enjoyed the first chapter of our fic. We would really appreciate any reviews.

**Strawberry M&M: Pretty please with flaming buildings on top?**

What she said. So, thanks for taking the time to read this. Constructive Criticism is always welcome, but Pyro will send any flames back to the person who wrote them.

Apologies for the fact that nothing actually_ happened_ in this chapter. Next bit should be up in a week or so.


	2. One Through Five

Good evening everyone. The One-Eyed Lady here. Once again, this fic was Co-written with Strawberry M&M.

This story was not Beta Read. All mistakes belong to The One-Eyed Lady.

**Disclaimer:** Neither One-Eyed Lady nor Strawberry M&M own X-men Evolution. We also don't own the Twenty Genres Challenge- that belongs to the amazing Kiki Cabou.

**Warnings:** Extreme Silliness, Complete and Utter Lack of any Semblance of a Plot, Kidnapping of Fictional Characters, Abuse of Author Powers.

* * *

**Author's (Strawberry M&M) dialogue**

Consultant's (One-Eyed Lady) dialogue

* * *

Chapter Two: Adventures in Slapstick and other Felonious Deeds.

**Okay, now that all the introductions are done with, on to the show!**

Finally.

**Oh hush. First off! (drum roll, please)...**

John obligingly gives the AUTHOR a drum roll by patting his hands against his legs rapidly.

**Thanks, Johnny. It's...HUMOR! Okay people; make me and our audience laugh! **

Bobby ices the floor underneath John making the Australian slip around until he falls and lands on his rear end.

"OUCH!" John cries. "What was that for?"

"It's slapstick!" Bobby says.

"Oi'll show you slapstick, ya blasted Popsicle!" John gets up and starts chasing Bobby. Or, at least he tries but he slips on the ice once more and falls.

"Um..." Kurt looks down. "AHA! I know! There are three men. Two of them walk into a bar. The third one ducked!"

Is that really all you've got? That is _the_ oldest, lamest, most inane joke I have ever heard.

**Don't be so critical. Now shush. **

You don't get to shsh me. No shushing for you! 

Wanda decides that she likes slapstick and hexes Toad against a wall. Rogue naturally comes and joins in on the Toad-bashing. Magneto is trying to find a way out, Scott's sulking in the corner, and Piotr is staring at everyone, quite confused.

"I've got a better joke!" Bobby calls as he runs around the room from John. "What do you call a blonde who dyes their hair red?"

"Jean Grey," Rogue states flatly.

"Johnny?" Gambit guesses at the same time.

"OY!" John stops chasing Bobby. "Oi do NOT dye moy hair! Oi'm a NATURAL red-head!"

"So is Jean!" Scott calls out as well. No one pays him any attention.

"Wow... um," Bobby blinks. "The real answer was artificial intelligence."

"Exactly," Rogue nods. "Jean."

**Can people _please_ refrain from being mean to poor Jeannie and Johnny-Boy?**

John nods and glares at Remy but continues to chase Bobby.

Rogue's gotta point... 

**Yeah, except for the fact that neither Jean nor poor, _poor_ Johnny dye their hair. As Johnny said. They're NATURAL red-heads. **

If you say so.

**I do say so. Now humph. Humph I tell you. HUMPH! **

Humps are for camels darling- which you were not last time I checked.

**Moo. **

Camels don't moo.

**They do now!**

As this squabble is taking place, John is still chasing hotly after Bobby.

"Hey! Take a joke!" the boy yells, running frantically around the room. "AAHHH! How do ya get outta here?" Bobby starts pounding on the walls.

**I'm not telling you! **

Bobby pounds hard once more on the wall only to retract his hand with a loud "Ouch!"

**Do you think we shoulda told him the walls are made of adamantium?**

They are? And nah. 

**You're right. It's his own fault his hand throbs. **

"AIEEGH!" Toad screams, being once again hexed into a wall by Wanda. "Baby-cakes! Stop!"

This makes John stop in his tracks.

"What did you just call her?" the Australian turns around.

"What did you just call me?" Wanda asks simultaneously.

"You're toast, Frog-Boy!" John yells.

"I'm getting real tired of this crazy Aussie, yo!" Toad says.

**Boys, don't...Oh boy. **

Toad tackles John sending the pyromaniac to the ground.

FREEZE! This genre's over. Next one is tragedy. 

**Yep. Make us cry. Weep. Bawl. Shed tears. Etc.**

"What are we supposed ta do for tragedy?" Rogue asks.

"NO!" John cries out. He is on his knees, holding something in his hands. "NO!"

"That works," Wanda nods toward the wailing pyromaniac.

"No, this is SERIOUS!" John says. "He killed her!"

**Whoa, this isn't crime, this is TRAGEDY. There's a difference. **

"Who got killed?" Bobby asked.

"MARY!" John cries out.

"Oh, no!" Piotr pales.

"Not Mary," Remy moans. "Why did it have to be Mary?"

"Who's Mary?" Wanda asks.

"Johnny's first lighter." Remy explains.

"Uh-huh," John sniffles. "And Toad killed her!"

**WHAT! **

Must've happened when Toad tackled John. Okay. I think that's good enough for tragedy...

"No!" John says. "This is not just part of some genre! This is horrible!"

It's just a lighter, for goodness sake! 

**Not just any lighter, it's his FIRST lighter. It has sentimental value. Stop being so insensitive! It's gonna be okay, Johnny. **

"NO, IT'S NOT!" John wails. Wanda walks up to the kneeling lunatic and pats him on the shoulder.

"I'm sure you have other lighters..." Wanda starts.

"Yeah, but Mary was special!" John cries.

**Okay, you know what? I think Mary could be fixable. But she's just going to have to wait until we're done with my twenty-one genres. **

"Really?" John sniffles.

**Really, but you need to finish my thing before I can get her repaired. She'll be fine. Lunatic's honor. **

John nods and slowly hands the broken lighter to The AUTHOR who gently puts it in a plastic bag and places it on a table as several people roll their eyes. Toad makes says something about stealing the lighter and finishing it off.

**Whoever touches Mary shall be miniaturized until they are four centimeters tall, and given to my **

**cat to play with. **

Ahem! MY__cat thank you very much!

**Whatever. And yes, I can do that.**

And trust me, you don't want to end up as a toy for this particular cat. She's bipolar, possibly possessed- worse than The AUTHOR or Myself.

**Thank you, but let's be getting on with it. Okay, freeze. Now...GENERAL! Uh. What do you do for General?**

Thankfully, the Acolytes come up with a solution.

"Reporting to duty, General Bucket-Head sir!" John, Remy and Piotr say, saluting. Magneto glares at them.

"General Baby-Cakes!" Toad cries, latching on to Wanda. Wanda shrieks and pushes him off of her. John tackles Toad and the two of them quickly get into a screaming match.

**Aww...isn't Johnny so _cute _when he's jealous? It's just adorable!**

"WHAT?" John and Wanda both shriek.

"Oi ain't jealous!" John cries.

**Sure. Whatever you say. Denial...**

It isn't just a river in Egypt! 

**Exactly, Watson, exactly. **

Meanwhile, Bobby and Kurt follow suit.

"General Laser-Beam! The troupes are suffering from too much training! They are asking to be relieved!" Bobby and Kurt report. Rogue just rolls her eyes.

"Uh-huh, sure," Scott says. "Tell the `troupes' that their danger room sessions have just been doubled.

**Uh...Okay. That works. FREEZE AND PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR! YOU'RE UNDER ARREST! **

The Consultant and everybody else stares at THE AUTHOR.

**What?**

Complete and total silence.

**What? **

Nothing.

**What?**

Crickets chirp in the distance.

**The next genre is Crime so...**

Everybody in the room lets out an "Oh."

"Can't we go home yet?" Kurt asks. "I have to prank Logan!"

**Stupid boy. "Thou shalt not prank The Wolverine lest thou surely die,"- Jackihiah Jefferson 104:2.**

Pity that. Kurt wasn't so bad.

**I know, right?**

Scott scowls at the two mysterious teenagers and says, "And I happen to have a car to wash!"

Really? That's the best excuse you could come up with?

**Shame, shame...This just proves that the Scooter doesn't have any imagination.**

"What?" Scott cries out in shock. "I have an imagination! I'm very creative!"

**Sure, Scooter, sure. Whatever you say. **

The AUTHOR rolls her eyes and the Consultant does as well. Both girls have their arms crossed, making it that everybody is fairly creeped out at the two's similar reactions.

"THIS IS ENOUGH!" Magneto shouts. "I refuse to be part of any more of this foolishness!"

**Well, that's too bad. You're participating in said "foolishness" anyway.**

"And why is that? How do you think you can stop me? I am the MASTER OF MAGNETISM!" Magneto screams.

**Please, Metal-Face, don't make me get my security.**

You have security? 

**Sure! We have my magic author powers!**

And that's supposed to reassure me? 

The AUTHOR pouts.

**Yes it is! My magic author powers are amazing and magical! It's MAGICAL, Consultant, MAGICAL! **

Mmhmm. Sure. The most terrible, mighty, awe-inspiring powers you can imagine, all at your fingertips. I'm so reassured.

The Consultant turns to the group of mutants.

And if you believe that, I have a luxury resort in Antarctica to sell you, complete with sunbathing opportunities and a full day spa.

"Really?" Toad and Bobby ask at the same time.

No.

**Wow. Those two really are a pair of boofheads. **

"Wha...?" Toad says, confused.

"Boofhead means idiot in the native Australian tongue," John explains.

"HEY!" Bobby cries.

"That's mean, yo!" Toad cries as well.

"And if she knows what boofhead means, then...YAY! There's more people like me in the world!" John dances around.

"There's a whole continent of people like yo', Johnny," Remy says. "Well, not EXACTLY like yo'..."

And thank goodness for that! Having two completely crazy people in this world is enough. 

**Who's the second? **

Why you, dearest. 

**Oh! Yeah, and PROUD to be so! Anyways, crime, people! CRIME! **

"Gambit's a thief," Scott points out.

Remy smiles and hands Scott a wallet

"HEY!" Scott yells. "This is my wallet!"

"Yo' said it yourself," Remy shrugs. "I'm a thief."

"The Aussie's an arsonist, yo!" Toad says.

"And proud of it, too!" John says. "And besides it's not like you haven't ever vandalized anything, you Brotherhood lot! With Avalanche's earthquakes, and your smell, which _should _be illegal..."

"Magneto is trying to take over the world," Wanda says. "That has to be a crime."

"Remy's sure dat de X-men have destroyed somethin' or other," Remy says. "I mean, consider de property damage dat ensues while savin' de world. And Rogue beatin' up on moi has t' count for assault... or is it battery?"

"Oh, shut it," Rogue glares.

On the subject of crime, I'd charge all of you with slander, only everything you've said is true. And while I'm at it, our beloved AUTHOR could be charged with kidnapping you sorry lot and more importantly ME! 

**Yes, well, I'm doing it for the good of fan-girl kind. And I KNOW that you've run a few stop signs and have sped at LEAST once, you bad driver you!**

Hmph. Anyway, freeze. Now that we've established that we're all dirty, rotten criminals, we have _got _to get this show on the road, or we'll NEVER be finished! What's next?

**Let's see...Let us have an ADVENTURE, what ho! **

"We must go on a might quest!" John exclaims. "To defeat the evil enemies of our land! We shall reign victorious!"

**All shall bow down in DESPAAAIIR! **

John nods, smiling, while the others stare at the AUTHOR in plain shock and fear. John grabs Remy and Piotr and starts pulling them to an imaginary battle.

"Come! We must fight! Fight for our liberty! Fight for our fire! Fight for our marshmallows!"

Piotr sighs but decides to join in.

"We must...defeat our foes before it's too late?" the Russian tries.

"YES!" John cries. "YES! We must SAVE our people and claim the enemies' land for ourselves!"

**Whoa...You're getting a little on the evil side there, Johnny. **

John coughs an apology out but soon continues on his rant.

"Come, Scooter, come Petey, come Rems, come Wanda! We shall be triumphant! In togetherness!"

Freeze. I don't want to know where this is going. It will end in nothing but trouble. 

"I do not have time for this!" Magneto yells. "I have a world to conquer!"

"And today's the day I take my monthly shower, yo!" Toad cries out.

**We're so happy for you, Toad. You shall make the world a better smelling place. **

However, as nice as it would be to have you bathe, unfortunately we must get through all the genres before _anyone_ goes_ anywhere._

* * *

Oh my. That was rather ridiculous, wasn't it? Anyway, myself (One-Eye) and M&M hope you enjoyed Chapter Two. Now that we've finally gotten the ball rolling for the genres, maybe we'll actually make some progress.

We would love any reviews, (that means -YOU- Anonymous Lurkers!) and Constructive Criticism is always welcome.

**M&M: ****Fl****ames will be used to roast marshmellows, and you won't get any! **

Thank you to everyone who reviewed our last chapter- you guys rock! Next update should be in about a week. Keep reading!

Until next time,

The One-Eyed Lady

**Strawberry M&M**


	3. Six Through Ten

Good afternoon readers! This is the One-Eyed Lady. Twenty-One Fanfiction Genres was co-written by the lovely Strawberry M&M. The inspiration for this fic came from Kiki Cabou's story "Twenty in Twenty." It's a great story, so as soon as you're done here- go read it!

This story was not Beta Read. All mistakes belong to One-Eyed Lady.

**Disclaimer:** Neither One-Eyed Lady, nor Strawberry M&M own X-Men Evolution. That belongs to Marvel. We also don't own the exerpt from "The Merchant of Venice" by William Shakespeare.

**Warnings:** Extreme Silliness, Complete Lack of a Plot, Unbelievable Manipulation of Reality, Gratuitous Abuse of Authors' Powers, and Kidnapping of Fictional Characters.

* * *

**Author's (Strawberry M&M) dialogue**

Consultant's (One-Eyed Lady) dialogue

* * *

Chapter Three: Poety is Just Melodramatic Angst

**Okay. Moving on! Um...POETRY. **

Blank stares come from everybody.

**Consultant? You've been studying this right? **

Oh no. I am in NO way going to be affiliated with this one. I am completely and TOTALLY sick and tired of poetry!

**Alright, alright! You don't have to help with this one! Geesh. SOMEBODY didn't get their morning green tea...**

No, I didn't, thanks to you! 

The AUTHOR snaps her fingers and a coffee cup of a hot liquid appears and floats in front of the Consultant, suspended by nothing but the AUTHOR's magic powers.

**Happy now?**

The Consultant takes the steaming drink.

No, but it'll do. 

**Doesn't SOMEBODY know ANY poetry? Anybody? Come on! The sooner we get done with this genre the sooner you all can go home!**

"_The quality of mercy is not strained, it droppeth like a gentle rain from heaven upon the place beneath,_" Magneto quotes. "Now please be merciful and let us go already!"

**No way José, but if you want rain, I'll give you that. **

Instantly, a small, gray cloud starts to hover over Magneto's head and starts raining. Thunder rumbles and suddenly, tiny lightning bolts strike his helmet. A big boom commences as electricity runs through his helmet, breastplate, boots, and everything else metal on his person. A mysterious gust of wind forces his cape to fly up and over his head. After the lightning stops, and Magneto stands sizzling, dripping, and shaking, looking absolutely mad. Meanwhile, the Acolytes are finding this quite hilarious and are laughing their figurative heads off, and the AUTHOR is smiling smugly down at him. Magneto pushes the cape from his face and glares at the AUTHOR, steaming, figuratively and literally.

**Well, you asked for it. **

"NO. I. DIDN'T," Magneto steams.

"Well, you asked for it, in the figurative sense," Kurt says.

**Yes. Exactly. Listen to the fuzzy elf. **

Really, you should have expected this. Irony had to be appeased.

Magneto starts marching towards the AUTHOR, angry as a stampeding bull. The AUTHOR smirks at him cockily, as if she can poof him out of existence. After everything they've seen, the readers, watchers, and mutants realize that she probably can. Suddenly, during his stomping, Magneto stops and sneezes. He sneezes again. As soon as the AUTHOR realizes she has made the metal geezer ill, she poofs a hospital bed into the room. She then poofs Magneto onto the sickbed and lots of dead flowers, wrinkled cards, and what seem to be old tissues appear on a table next to him.

**Sorry, I borrowed the flowers and cards from some guy in the hospital. I mean, HE won't be needing them anymore...ha ha. Um...Drama guys, DRAMA! Be...dramatic. ACTION!**

"Wait, I thought we already did action?" Piotr asks, confused.

**Technically, that was ADVENTURE, and I meant action like for TV shows and drama stuff. THE DRAMA PEOPLE, THE DRAMA! Don't make me get crazy...ER! **

"Oh," Piotr looks down, blushing.

"Oh no!" Remy cries, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Our evil boss has fallen to a fatal disease! Whatever shall we do?"

"Oh no. He's dead," John says in a monotone. "Better have a funeral then."

"What?" Magneto cries. "I'm not dead! It's just a common cold!"

**Flu, actually. Though it might turn into strep throat. Possibly both. Maybe pneumonia...haven't decided yet...**

"Dearly not-so-beloved," John starts, standing over Magneto as if the hospital bed was a coffin. "We are gathered here today, to celebrate the passing of Eric Lensherr, also known as Magneto, more commonly known as Bucket-head, Boss, Boss-Man, Metal-Head, and The Oversized Magnet. He died of an unknown disease, probably the flu or strep throat."

"Pyro! Stop it! I'm still alive you buffoon!" Magneto yells.

John ignores him and keeps going. "He lived a miserable life, and he always seemed to be in a worse mood after he had his coffee than before. He is survived by his absolutely beautiful daughter, Wanda Maximoff," Wanda blushes at the compliment. "and his annoying son, Pietro Maximoff."

**And his other daughter, Lorna.**

"Who?" Wanda asks.

**Erm...Never mind.**

"He had misguided and delusional dreams to rule the world," John says. "And he would send his poor unfortunate souls...erm, I mean lackeys, to do his evil deeds for him. He was not a very nice bloke, and practically everyone disliked him. What ever shall we do now that he's gone! Oh NO! WHY DID HE HAFTA LEAVE US? WAAAAAH!" John proceeded to be exceedingly melodramatic about the whole affair before he finished with "That is all. Let's burn the body and get on with our lives." Several people cheered, and Magneto looked ready to kill.

**FREEZE! Okay, GIDDY-UP PARTNER, WE BE DOIN' WESTERN! **

John and Toad start circling each other, both boys' hands hovering over their legs, where a holster would be.

**Wait. If we're gonna do this,we have to do it right. **

Magically, John and Toad are poofed into the classic cowboy attire, complete with oversized hats, spurs that clink every time you walk, large fringed vests, and holsters holding six-shooter Nerf pistols.

John is dressed in white with a deputy's badge pinned to his vest. Toad had a black outfit with a bandana around his neck. The AUTHOR also poofs the others into appropriate clothing, Wanda and Rogue into fluffy saloon girl dresses covered in lace and frills. Rogue is in green and Wanda in red. Remy and Piotr get poofed into similar costumes; beige shirts, jeans, and brown leather vests. Scott looks like a carbon copy of John, except he has a sheriff's badge. Kurt and Bobby are dressed in fancy white shirts and comfy black slacks with suspenders- the traditional bartender look.

The AUTHOR poofs a large, black coffin around Magneto. She then poofs a heavy tombstone in the air, making it hover over the vertical box used for dead people. Magneto struggles to get out, but the AUTHOR simply drops the tombstone, silencing the master of magnetism.

The AUTHOR poofs fake buildings into the room, the kind where there's only one wall of the building and it's simply held up by two planks. You know, the ones that are used in movie sets.

**Got the western building things from an ancient storehouse in Hollywood. Hope you don't mind. **

Remy walks up to Rogue and smirks.

"Yo' look awful nice in a dress, Cherie," he winks. Rogue promptly slaps him across the face.

John and Toad continue to circle each other, walking the way all the cowboys do in movies- that is to say, like a penguin.

"There ain't enough room for the two of us in this town, yo," Toad drawls.

"Then Oi'm jus' gonna hafta kick ya out!" Pyro says, with an equally overdone Texan accent. The two turned around and face back to back. "Now, we gonna walk...three, no...FOUR paces, then we shoot!"

Toad gulps and turns around.

John turns to Wanda. "This is for you, luv," he winks. Wanda rolls her eyes and turns away so no one will notice she's blushing.

John and Toad face back to back, walk four paces, turn around, and shoot. Toad's Nerf dart misses his opponent, even though the short distance should have helped, while John's dart hits Toad in the nose. John continues to shoot at Toad, hitting him in the forehead, chest, eye, foot, and ear. It is clear that he is enjoying himself immensely, but before he can continue ridding the world of Toad, he is interrupted by the AUTHOR.

**Freeze! HURT/COMFORT! **

The mutants are poofed back into their regular clothes and the sets are gone. Magneto wakes up from the hit on the head with a tombstone and mutters to himself about crazy girls and their way too powerful mutant abilities.

"Oh, woe is me, yo!" Toad cries. "He shot me in the stinkin' eye!"

"Stinking is the word for it," Bobby whispers to Kurt. Kurt laughs.

**Show pity for once people! Just until this genre's over, then you can laugh all you want.**

"Oh, poor, poor, POOR Frog-Boy," Remy says sarcastically. "I suppose it's not his fault he can't shoot to save his life..."

"Or duck," Rogue adds.

"So I guess we should sympathize with him," Wanda says dryly. "If only to get this genre over with." Kurt bamphs over to the wounded Toad and pats him on the head.

"Is that good enough?" the blue fuzzy elf asks.

**NO! Where are the bandages? The cookies? The get well cards? The hospital? The surgery? The sharp pointy things that doctors use?**

You mean scalpels? 

**Yeah, that. We have to have MORE people!**

John and Remy simultaneously get an idea. The AUTHOR notices and poofs two light bulbs over their heads. She then gives them two very large rolls of bandages. The two Acolytes charge Toad and push him to the ground. The wrap him up completely, only leaving a small open space around his nose so he can breathe. Other than that, he is completely encased in bandages. John creates a fiery message in the air, reading "Get well soon!" Bobby and Kurt break out the Sharpies and start to doodle on Toad's bandaged body, drawing a mustache on the bandage below his nose and other equally silly pictures and sayings. The AUTHOR poofs a plate of cookies into her hands and starts passing them out among the mutants.

**Well, since Toad's mouth is covered up, I guess we'll just have to eat his cookies for him.**

Everybody, minus Toad and Magneto, seems happy at this statement, even Rogue, who hasn't been happy this entire plot.

"Yo' look real pretty when yo' smile, Cherie," Remy smirks, though there is sincerity in his voice. Rogue does what she usually does when complimented and scowls deeply.

"Shut up!" Rogue says.

**Rogue, why are you so mean to the poor Cajun?**

"Cause he's so annoyin'!" Rogue answers indignantly.

Piotr lays a piece of paper on the horizontal Toad. The AUTHOR goes and picks it up. The paper a very fancy get well card, with excellent calligraphy.

**Wow, this is nice. You could make a living off of making cards, Pete!** **And Freeze. On to...**

"Wait," John, Bobby, Kurt, and Wanda say simultaneously. "Permission to point and laugh?"

**Yep!**

The four mutants promptly point and laugh at the upset Toad.

The Consultant then frees Toad. The bandages and sharpies disappear, but the Pete's card remains. The Consultant picks it up, and sets it on a nearby table.

**Okay, now, ANGST!**

"What is angst?" Piotr blinks. "I do not believe I have heard that word here in America yet, and we certainly do not have it in Russia."

It's when a person, usually fictional, is overcome with intense emotion. They can be deeply depressed, mourning over something horrible that happened to him or her, or dealing confusing/unrequited feelings. It's practically just Hurt/Comfort, just emotional hurt, and without most of the comfort. Usually it endures for a great length of time before you see any sort of resolution at all.

"Ah," Piotr nodded. "I believe I understand now."

**Thank you, Walking Dictionary. Everyone! BE ANGSTY!**

"Oh, why must everyone hate me?" Scott moans. "WHY must nobody understand that I am only doing what's best for the team? WHY did my parents have to die in a plane crash? WHY, WHY, WHY?"

**It's called whumping, Scott. People do like you, it's just fun to beat up on you so you can be angsty! People love angst, you know.**

Toad joined in. "WHY must everyone avoid me? WHY must Wanda reject me? WHY must John be such a good aim? WHY must I be here, yo?"

You're here because The AUTHOR is insane and takes pleasure from torturing people. 

**Couldn't have said it better me-self. **

* * *

One-Eye here. If you actually made it though this incredibly long and melodramatic chapter, you are to be commended. We hope you enjoyed this latest installment of Twenty-One Fanfiction Genres. Next chapter should be up in about a week, unless we find ourselves with an unexpectedly large amount of free time within the next few days. (Or unless you can convince us to update earlier ;)

Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed this story already.

**Sonar: **We wanted to send a PM to thank you, but you have that disabled so we'll say it here. Thank you so much for your review, and for reading our story. Hope ya liked it!

Special thanks go to **Lady Firewing** and **poestheblackcat**- you are awesome! Thanks for your reviews, because they have inspired us to write more and more!

Anyway, if you enjoyed this story, please leave us a review to tell us! Constructive Criticism is always welcome- any comments will be carefullyy considered. Flames will be given to Pyro to play with.

**M&M: Okay, I wanted to say goodbye too! Bye! I hope you enjoyed our story! Maybe one of these days I'LL be able to write the Author's Notes! That would be fun! Now, go and click that adorable little review button. You know you want too...it is calling to you...you must click it...Review and fulfill your destiny! (And my greatest wish, which is to have a lot of reviews on this story.) **


	4. Eleven Through Sixteen

Greetings and Salutations to all our lovely readers. This story was co-written by The One-Eyed Lady and Strawberry M&M. The Twenty Genres Challenge is from the fic 'Twenty in Twenty' by the marvelous Kiki Cabou. If you like White Collar- we highly recommend you read it.

This story was not Beta Read. All mistakes belong to The One-Eyed Lady.

**Disclaimer: **Neither One-Eyed Lady nor Strawberry M&M own X-Men Evolution. It is the property of Marvel and Stan Lee. We also don't own The Inheritance Cycle- it belongs to Mr. Paolini. Lastly, we do not own the tune for "Jingle Bells" but Strawberry M&M does own the lyrics used here.

**Warnings: **Extreme Craziness Verging on Insanity, Kidnapping of Poor, Not-So-Innocent Mutants, and _REALLY_ Bad Singing.

* * *

**Author's (Strawberry M&M) dialogue**

Consultant's (One-Eyed Lady) dialogue

* * *

Chapter Four: And thus the AUTHOR did command, "Let there be a Parody!" And so, there was Great Silliness in the Land.

**Alrighty then. Freeze. Uh...ROMANCE?**

Remy instantly jumps into stalker mode and tries to wrap his arm around Rogue's shoulders. She shoves him off, though she seems to wait a moment before doing so.

"Aw, come on, Cherie," Remy smirks. "Yo' breakin' Remy's heart."

"Uh-huh," Rogue rolls her eyes. "Sure. An' Ah'll break somethin' more vital if ya don't leave me alone, Swamp Rat." Remy simply smirks some more.

"Yo' know yo' love me," Remy says.

"No, actually, Ah don't," she glares. Remy shrugs.

Toad, unwrapped and back to normal, hops over to Wanda.

"Sugarbumpkins!" he cries, hugging the poor Scarlet Witch tightly. John notices and immediately jumps into action; pulling Toad away and thumping him. This starts another yelling match between the two.

**Ooh, love triangle...Interesting...**

"There will be NO LOVE TRIANGLES!" Magneto yells. "If those two BUFFOONS think that they can win my daughter's heart, they are SORELY mistaken!"

**Plus an overprotective father...We'll have a mutant soap opera if this keeps up!**

Magneto somehow finds a long pole of metal and starts strangling John with it, murmuring about useless, evil, disobedient lunatics.

**ACK! YOU CANNOT DO THAT! YOU _WILL_ NOT DO THAT! **

The AUTHOR poofs away the metal wrapped around John's throat and poofs Magneto into a straight jacket.

**Erg! You shall STAY in that horrifying straight jacket for the next thirteen genres! Not counting this one! See how YOU like it, huh? Huh?**

Thirteen? I thought we only had– 

**Shush. Don't question me.**

Wanda goes to a very red-faced John and helps him up.

"Thanks, luv!" he smiles, seemingly back to normal.

**Okay, that'll do. Um...Wow we need to hurry it up here...er...**

"Do we really hafta finish this?" Rogue asks. "Ah have a book ta read!"

"I have to steal Rogue's book!" Wanda adds.

Ooh, now these are two girls after my own heart. Not many people read these days of their own volition. Which book is it?

"We're going through The Inheritance Cycle by Christopher Paolini. We're on the fourth book now," Wanda answers.

**Ooh! We read that one, didn't we, Consultant? It was so fun! But never the less, we can't let you go. So sorry.**

"Hmph," Rogue scowls.

**Now, we have...HORROR! Dun dun dun dun! Dun dun dun DUNN! Horrify us!**

"Hey Toad," Bobby says. "Take off your shirt!"

Toad blinks questioningly, but does so. All the girls in the room promptly shriek and scream in disgust.

**EEK! TOO MUCH! TOO MUCH HORROR!**

The AUTHOR starts to run around in circles.

**BLECH! SOMEONE SAVE ME!**

The AUTHOR quickly jumps into Scott's arms, bridal style. Scott promptly drops her.

**Ouch! What was that for? Oh well. Back to panicking. AAIEE! Okay, OKAY! GENRE'S OVER! **

Toad puts his shirt back on and everyone sighs with relief. The AUTHOR turns to the Consultant, who is covering her eyes with her hands.

I think I've gone blind! Somebody bring me brain bleach! Super -strong- brain bleach!

"Can I have some too?" Wanda asks quietly, probably still in shock.

**But if I gave you brain bleach, it might bleach out your entire memory! You wouldn't want to forget all the times I've annoyed you, right Consultant?**

Yeah, that would be a -tragedy-.

Piotr finally spoke up. "That was...disturbing."

**It really was. Okay, next is...FAMILY!** **Heartwarming moments everyone!**

"Rogue," Kurt says, walking up to his sister. "I know we have had our differences and all, but I'd just like you to know: no matter what happens- I will always be there for you, to support you and to be the best brother I can possibly be."

"Half-brother," Rogue mumbles, but regrets it when she sees the hurt look on Kurt's face. She sighs and hugs him.

**Aww...**

"Wanda..." Magneto starts, still in a straight jacket.

"Don't even start!" Wanda says loudly.

**Uh, we need something more...What can we do?**

"Uh," Bobby thinks about it. "My honorary long lost, seven-hundred times removed, cousin Scott!" Bobby hugs him.

How can a person be seven-hundred times removed?

"They just can!" Bobby says, after Scott has roughly shoved him off.

**That'll work. Freeze! Next up...SUPERNATURAL! **

"It's the vampires!" Bobby shouts, pointing at Rogue and Wanda. They glare at him. "What? You both are pale and kinda bloodthirsty so..." Rogue and Wanda look at each other knowingly.

"Let's get 'im!" they say simultaneously. They proceed to chase Bobby around the large metal dome.

**Bobby seems to have been chased a lot today. Wonder who'll chase him next?**

Yes well. He's been somewhat asking for it. His terminal idiocy seems to be acting up. 

"Demon!" Toad cries and begins to poke Kurt. Kurt pokes back.

**Okay, Freeze! I'd just like to announce that we're on the twentieth page! Whoo hoo! **

"Wha...?" the mutants blink in confusion.

The twentieth page? Oh goodness...We really are gonna be here forever...

**Pessimist...**

You mean -realist-, darling.

**Next...SUSPENSE! Make us paranoid people! I want paranoia! Wait, on second thought I don't...scratch that.**

John starts to stalk Magneto, glaring creepily.

"Just what...are you doing?" Magneto asks, disturbed.

"Being creepy..." John says, breathing like Darth Vader. "...and suspicious..." John continues to sneakily stalk Magneto as the Bucket-Head slowly inches away, still in a straight jacket.

**Wait...if ya gonna stalk, we have to do it right.**

Slow, quiet, dramatic, epic music comes on, a la in the movies when a serial killer is stalking his victim.

John stalks Magneto some more before freezing in place and whispering, "To be continued..."

"Oh my," Remy rolls his eyes. "What will happen to our boss in this cheesy performance's conclusion? Will he live? Or will he be burnt?"

"I'm sitting on the edge of my seat in suspense," Wanda says sarcastically. "Will my father finally be punished for his crimes? I do hope so...What will happen?"

**What do I look like? A fortune teller? Stop badgering me with all these questions!**

The mutants stare at The AUTHOR.

**What? It was a joke!...You all have no sense of humor...**

You killed their sense of humor. It died because you put it through the humiliation of participating in this silly experiment. It's dead. And mine is on its way. You murdered all of the humor in them. About to murder my sense of humor too.

**You're so MEAN! Johnny, tell her that she's mean!**

"You're mean!" John says, sticking out his tongue.

Whatever. Freeze. We're done with this genre. 

**PARODY.**

Really? Seriously?

**Yeah...**

"Oh," Bobby starts to sing. "Jingle bells! Tolanski smells! Rogue kicked me in the leg! Magneto stole the Blackbird and Johnny got away!"

"Dashing through the streets," John joins in. "With our aching feet, fire's really neat, cause it really is! Ha ha ha! Sabes is chasing me, Oi don't wanna pay his fee, hafta get away but oh, Oi think Oi hurt moy knee!"

Bobby joins in on the chorus and the two sing together. "OH! JINGLE BELLS! TOADY SMELLS! MAGSY IS INSANE! The Blackbird's gone for the second time so HERE WE GO AGAIN!" The boys end and bow.

Freeze. That was...painful. 

**I don't know, I didn't think it was that bad...The lyrics were funny!**

"Thanks, luv!" John smiles. "Thought you might enjoy it!"

* * *

**Omake****: (AKA the Deleted Scene)**

So, next up is, Horror. 

Before the Consultant could continue with some pithy comment, a loud shout of triumph rang out from the back of the room.

Pyro stood next to a table, holding a small object aloft. He let out a manaical laugh that chilled the listeners to the bone.

"Behold... my MASTERPIECE! Bwahaha!"

Cradled gently in the pyromaniacs hand, sat Mary the lighter. Or rather... the remains of Mary cobbled back together with pieces from several -other- lighters.

**It's, it's... what is that?**

FrankenMary?

**Yes! Pyro you GENIUS! Bwahahaha!**

"Thank you luv, ahem, Mwahahaha! Let all tremble in awe- for FRANKENMARY!"

Everyone in the room winced, but it was from the volume of Pyro and the Author's maniacal laughter, instead of actual fear.

"Aieee!" shrieked Toad. "It's ALIVE, yo!"

And indeed, the lighter had come alive, and began to chase Toad around the room in revenge for his earlier crimes against him.

No one felt sorry for him- at all. And so there was great hysterical laughing from the Author and Pyro at that moment.

_The End_

* * *

One Eye: Oh sweet mercy! What did I just write? Dear people, I apologize. That omake was completely my doing. M&M had no part in the writing of it... which means I actually -wrote- something that ridiculous!

**M&M: At last dearest sister! You've finally seen the light and joined the dark side! (We have cookies, don'tcha know!)**

_Anyway._ This Chapter is Dedicated to **Lady Firewing **because today is her birthday! Yay! (the omake was my present to her, by request) Happy Birthday love! Hope it was great!

**M&M: Have a VERY MERRY Un-Birthday to you! Yes you! Have a VERY MERRY Un-Birthday to you!**

Uh, it's actually her real birthday, M&M, not her un-birthday.

**M&M: Oh. Okay. Have a VERY MERRY Real Birthday to you! Yes you! Have a VERY MERRY Real Birthday to you!**

We'd also like to specifically thank **Arich **for the review. Because you have PM turned off, we're saying it here, so -Thank you so much for the encouragement. It means the world to both of us.

In fact, thank you to all of our readers, and specifially those of you who bless us with reviews. You have no idea how happy it makes us to know that you actually -enjoyed- this mindnumbingly silly fic.

Once again, expect an update in about a week. We're slowing working our way to a real resolution... but it might be awhile before we get there!

Okay, I think that's about it, except _please_ review. Constructive Criticism is greatly appreciated- we'd love to hear what you thought. Flames will be used to toast my bagel.

**M&M: Flames shall also be used for something for me to stare at! What? Flames are pretty! They're as pretty as SHINY things!**

So, Adios y'all!

The One-Eyed Lady

**Strawberry M&M**


	5. Seventeen Through Twenty One

Hallo lovely readers. One-Eye here. You have our deepest and most sincere apologies for the lateness of this chapter. We tried to get it out earlier, but there were unfortunate scheduling conflicts.

**M&M: Scheduling conflicts, yeah right! More like my sister was being LAZY! Really, we agreed that we'd do it Monday night, but she was too lazy to do it then. So we said we'd do it TUESDAY, but again, my sister happens to be a lazy person when she wants to be. So, techically, the lateness of this chapter is completely and utterly due to One-Eye's slothfulness! (Oh, and there was the fact that she had a history final), but that was Monday MORNING! She said she was going to do it Monday EVENING!**** AFTER the final!** (One-Eye: I was tired!)** Shush! And she has NO excuse for not doing it Tuesday! SO THERE! **

This Fic was Co-Written between The One-Eyed Lady, and the ever incorrigible Strawberry M&M. The idea for the Twenty Genres Challenge belongs to the fantastical Kiki Cabou.

This Story was not Beta-Read. All mistakes belong to the One-Eyed Lady.

**Disclaimer: **Neither The One-Eyed Lady, nor Strawberry M&M own X-Men Evolution- it belongs to the folks at Marvel. We also do not own the Princess Bride, it is the property of S. Morgenstern. Also- we do not own the misquote from Ratatouille- which is an awesome movie that belongs to Pixar. We do not own CLUE in any way shape or form, or StarWars, or Star Trek...actually...we don't own much of anything. Except for a laptop and a grumpy old cat.

**Warnings:** "Borrowing" of a whole bunch of stuff we don't own (see above list). Complete Lack of Any Resemblance to a Plot. Extreme Silliness (you thought this was serious? Yeah right!), and Kidnapping of Fictional Characters.

* * *

**Author's (Strawberry M&M) dialogue**

Consultant's (One-Eyed Lady) dialogue

_Sound effects_

* * *

Chapter Five: In Which the Mutants are Almost Free, but Magneto is an Evil Overlord.

**Okay, now FRIENDSHIP!**

John tries to wrap his arms around Piotr's waist in a friendly hug, but it doesn't give the desired effect because of Piotr's large muscles and height.

"Ol' Petey, ol' buddy, ol' pal, ol' chump, ol' Go Fish playing friend!" John cries.

"John...friend, lunatic, fellow Acolyte." Piotr blinks and pats John gently on the back.

Wonderful. Now somebody has to make up, forgive and forget, and be friendly. 

**Well?….Anyone?...Hmph. Aha! Toad, Kurt– it's apologizing time, boys. **

The two teenage mutant turtles...er, boys stare at The AUTHOR in pure shock.

"WHAT?" they both scream, though Toad's was more of a yelp.

**Come on, we're ALMOST done, and then me and The Consultant get to work on the sequel, and that'll be so much fun!**

Wait, there's gonna be a sequel to this monstrosity?

"SEQUEL?" the mutants cry out in horror, minus John who is smiling.

**Yeah, but not for you guys, We're gonna do it with another group of victims–er, people! **

No. I absolutely refuse to be part of any more of your madness. 

**My dear Consultant, you should know better then to think I'd let you get out of helping.**

The mutants sigh in relief at the news that they would not have to suffer through this a second time. The Consultant sighs in despair because she knows that The AUTHOR _will _drag her into the sequel, somehow, someway, and John sighs because he won't get to be in said sequel.

**Now then, Kurt, or Toad, apologize!**

Nobody says a word for a full five minutes.

"...Fine, yo," Toad gives in. "I'm sorry I stole your inducer thingy, but I needed it to help sweetie-pumpkins!" Toad earns a glare from John at that last part.

**Good job, Toady. Now Kurt, forgive and forget. **

"NEVER!" Kurt cries.

**Do it...or I shall feed you to one of those dinosaur things in that alternate dimension you bamph through.**

Kurt gulps at the threat and unwillingly does his duty to finish the genre. "It's all right, Todd," he says through gritted teeth. "I'll forgive you...in a few thousand years."

**Usually I would get after you for that, but this time I'll let it pass. Okay, Freeze. Next up is MYSTERY!**

"Well," Remy thought about it. "Mr. Bobby was killed by Miss Scarlet Witch in the hall with the knife."

"Nah," John shook his head. "He was killed by Rogue White in the kitchen with the revolver."

"Ah thought it was Scott Green in the library with the rope," Rogue adds.

**It was actually Professor Pyro in the ballroom with the candlestick...er, make that just the candle...**

"Why do _I_ have to die?" Bobby asks, looking scared.

**Because. Number one: You're an idiot and expendable. Number two: You're name is the closest to Mr. Boddy than anybody else. Number three: I don't like you. Number four: NOBODY likes you. Number five: Since nobody likes you, you're funeral would be cheap and inexpensive. **

You're like the red shirts of Star Trek. Completely kill-able. Serving no other purpose than to die tragically. Although, if it makes you feel better, Mr. Boddy never really died. He always came back in the end. 

**Yeah. Maybe he was related to Wolverine, or Sabertooth.**

If he was related to Wolverine, of course he'd be related to Sabertooth! Not to mention, he's just a character in a game, and therefore it would be impossible.

**Yeah, but the X-men are just characters in...**

The Consultant hits The AUTHOR upside the head.

Shush! No breaking the fourth wall! It is forbidden! 

**Alright, no need to get huffy. Freeze everybody! Let's do SPIRITUAL!**

Kurt starts singing Amazing Grace. Piotr, Remy, and Scott shrug and join in to make a barbershop quartet.

"Uh..." John thinks about it. "HEY! Moy name's St. John! Does that count?"

…**.I really don't know...hmm...**

"I think not," Magneto says sharply, sending a glare at the pyromaniac.

Freeze. 

**But we're not done with this genre yet!**

Oh, I think we are. We're so close to being done, I can almost taste my freedom. I can practically smell it, like a good cup of Chai. 

**Hmph. Fine. And SCI-FI! **

"Luke..." John wheezes, inching towards Piotr. "Oi...am...your...FATHER!" Piotr looks disturbed and tries to ignore the pyromaniac.

"Bobby!" Scott calls out. "The Klingons are chasing us! Make this ship go faster!"

"I'm givin' 'er all she's got, Captain!" Bobby cries out in a Scottish accent. "But if I push 'er anymore she'll blow!"

"AH!" Toad cries, pointing at Magneto. "It's the Emperor Sith person!" Magneto struggles against his straight jacket.

"I am not a Sith Lord!" he cries.

**Relax, Todd's just doing what he's supposed to! Acting out a genre. Now stop whining, Mr. Grumpy Gills. **

"Do you dare insult me?" Magneto yells, outraged.

**Yep. Get used to it. **

**And freeze! Guess what guys? Only one more to go! **

"Then we're done?" Scott asks hopefully, thinking it was too good to be true.

**Yep! Then all ya'll can leave!**

A chorus of cheers, exclamations of joy, and one "Aww, but Oi don't wanna go!" comes from the mutants.

"Oh, Oi just remembered..." John says, a far away look in his eyes. "Oi have things to burn!"

"Oui, and Remy has to..." Remy stops. "I don' know what I hafta do."

**Great! That means we don't hafta worry about messing up your schedule! And...for our GRAND FINALE...We have...I need another drum roll for this one, Johnny.**

John obliges.

**Thank you. We have...FANTASY! **

_Cheers and applause._

"Come!" John grabs Scott and Remy. "We must defeat the evil ice-breathing dragon Bobby!"

**To do this right you have to have a shiny stick!**

The AUTHOR snaps her fingers and a sharp metal sword appears in Johnny's hand.

"Sweet!" John smiles. "Thanks, Sheila!"

The AUTHOR gives the rest swords as well, except for Magneto, who is still in a straight jacket.

Are you crazy? 

**Yes, actually. Why do you ask? **

You gave John a sword! 

**Yeah, well, if he wants to defeat the ice-breathing dragon, he needs a sword! As long as John doesn't kill anybody or seriously hurt anybody I don't see the problem. Not to mention, the ice-breathing dragon, aka Bobby, has a sword too, so it's fair!**

You gave Bobby a wooden sword and John a real one. 

**Yeah, so?**

Did it ever occur to you that it might not be fair to Bobby? 

…**No? Oh, fine then. **

The AUTHOR replaces all real swords with wooden ones.

One question. If Bobby's supposed to be a dragon, how in the name of chocolate can he use a sword? 

**Shut up. He just can, okay?**

You're ridiculous. 

**Thank you.**

John, along with Scott and Remy, starts to march towards Bobby, who is looking at them in fear. They almost reach the poor boy when Toad and Kurt stop them.

"HALT!" Kurt cries out. "We are mighty warlocks, and we shall stop you–from defeating the dragon... which isn't really a dragon!"

"Oh no!" John cries. "How shall we get past?"

"How 'bout we confuse their poor little minds?" Remy suggests.

"Great! Now how do we do that?" John asks innocently.

Scott sighs. "Hey Kurt, Toad. What's 99,999,999 times 9?" The two boys stare at Scott in confusion.

"Huh?" Kurt finally manages.

"What's 99,999,999 times 9?" Scott repeats. The two boys are confounded. They cannot find the answer! While they're trying to figure out the equation, Scott, Remy, and John sneak past. Wanda and Rogue stop them as well.

"Hold it!" Wanda says. "We cannot let you defeat the dragon!"

"Uh," Remy says. "Dis is Bobby we talkin' 'bout, oui?"

Rogue and Wanda think about it then move out of the three mutants' way. "Never mind. Carry on."

Piotr walks up to them. "Friends, are you sure this is a good idea?" he asks. "For the dragon is mighty and ferocious!" Bobby smiles at that.

"See guys?" he says. "I'm mighty and ferocious!"

Shush. Dragons don't talk. But if it makes you feel better, I believe you are allowed to roar. 

John makes his way to Bobby.

"Oi challenge you, Drake, to a mighty DUEL!" the Australian yells. "Taste the wood of my stick–erm...fearsome blade, ice dragon!" he lunges, attacking Bobby with his sword.

**Ooh, a duel! I bet Johnny's gonna win!**

"Eek!" Bobby yelps, barely parrying John's blow in the nick of time. The two are locked in an epic duel.

"Oi admit," John says. "You are better than Oi am!"

"I am?" Bobby blinks.

"No, not really," John shrugs. "But just roll with me here. Oi'm smiling, by the way, because Oi know something you don't know!"

You could fill a book, a LOT of books, with things Bobby doesn't know. And they have.

"So, you're not just smiling because you're insane?" Bobby blinks.

"No," John says as if it were obvious. "Oi am smiling because Oi am not left-handed!"

"So?" Bobby asks. John stops for a moment and sighs.

"You've never seen the Princess Bride, have you?"

"Nope."

"Knew it."

**WHAT? Bobby's never seen The Princess Bride? Outrage! OUTRAGE I SAY! **

Oh shush. Now you've gone and made all those who've never watched the Princess Bride confused. 

"It is outrageous, isn't it, luv?" John turns to the AUTHOR who nods furiously. Soon John and Bobby begin fighting again.

"Yo' know," Remy says. "That quote might've made more sense had you actually been fightin' wit' yo' left hand."

"Aye," John nods. "But Oi don't know how to use a sword with moy left hand." The two boys continue there duel. Soon though, John has Bobby at sword point.

"Please don't hurt me!" Bobby pleads. "It wasn't me! It was...uh...the Evil Overlord Magnus the Malevolent! He rules the entire land with an iron fist, and lots of other iron stuff too. He forced me into it! Don't kill me!"

John pretends to look shocked.

"We must stop the Evil Lord Magnus!" he cries. "Come Scotty, come Rems! We must be off!" The three charge Magneto, waving their wooden swords in the air.

"Wait!" Magneto cries. "Hold it! I'm stuck in a straight jacket, imbeciles! How is this fair?"

**Oh, it isn't. But it sure is fun!**

"What she said!" John nodds in agreement. John, Remy, and Scott start poking Magneto with their swords. They finally poke him so hard that he falls over.

"He's dead!" Remy cries triumphantly. "We have defeated evil!" Everybody cheers.

"I have a question," Kurt says.

**Yeah? **

"What exactly _is_ 99,999,999 times 9?"

The AUTHOR stops. And stares. Her left eye twitches. Her face conforms into a look of confusion.

I think you broke her...

The AUTHOR glares at the Consultant, apparently having heard that comment, and comes up with a wonderful solution to her dilemma. The AUTHOR poofs a calculator into her hand.

"HEY!" Toad cries. "That's no fair, yo!"

**Who said life was fair? Where is that written? **

John laughs in the corner.

**Oh! Here it is. The answer is 899,999,991.**

Freeze. We're done with this genre, right? So... we're finished? With the whole crazy thing? 

**Yep! It's over...sniffle...Kinda sad really. **

Sad? I think this is the best moment of my life! I'm so happy I could sing!

**Please don't.**

"Why? Is she really bad?" asks Bobby.

**Um, well, I mean, no. She's great, but uh...this room has REALLY terrible acoustics. Yeah. That's it, the acoustics would ruin it. Best save the singing for a later time. Yes. Exactly...Ha ha ha ha.**

* * *

We interrupt our regular programming...before One-Eyed Lady kills M&M for that last remark.

Thank you all for making it through yet another chapter. We're starting to come to the end of all of this, so there's only one more chapter to go.

Thank you very much to all of our reviewers. You have no idea how much it means to us.

To** Arich **and **Sonar**, we wish we could thank you personally- but we can't get a PM through, so we'll say it here. Thank you for reviewing! Glad you enjoyed the silliness and insanity.

Okay, think that's about it. Please do drop us a review- we'd love to hear what you thought.

**M&M: And remember! Flames will be used to torch my homework, and you don't want to be known as an accomplice to arson, do you?**

Until next time,

The One-Eyed Lady

**Strawberry M&M**


	6. The End

**M&M: **Hello, normally you would read "This is One-Eye," BUT this is NOT The One-Eyed Lady, this is **Strawberry M&M**. I FINALLY got to write the Author's Note. You heard me, I got to write the Author's Note this time. Mmhm. Normally, everything I write would be in bold, but seeing how I am going to write the Author's Notes this chapter, I figured it would be annoying to have to read the entire Author's Note if I did that.

This story has yet to be Beta Read. You can blame all of the mistakes on One-Eye. (WHO IS NOT ME! I take NO responsibilty for spelling errors! Or any other kind of errors there are!)

**Disclaimer: **Neither I, **Strawberry M&M**, nor One-Eye own X-men Evolution. I'm pretty sure we all know I am NOT Stan Lee. Now that I think of it, I don't even own this idea. This idea belongs to Kiki Cabou, who is a wonderful author, and I would suggest reading the original "Twenty in Twenty."

**Warnings: **Lots of Silliness, so be warned, you might laugh. Not Even a Trace of a Plot, Kidnapping of Fictional characters. Abuse of Author Powers, though it's not REALLY abuse, it's rather just, eh, putting my Author Powers to use...heh heh.

So, let the craziness begin, or rather, END.

* * *

**Author's (Strawberry M&M) dialogue**

Consultant's (One Eyed Lady) dialogue

* * *

Chapter Six: The End... no really, this IS the End.

"So, now can we leave, yes?" Wanda asks, smiling widely.

**Sure, but I–well, the Consultant really–made refreshments if you want any!**

The AUTHOR snaps her fingers and a table full of goodies such as chocolate chip cookies, maple sugar cookies, ten different kinds of cakes, pies, and other desserts appeared. Various drinks are also set out.

"Wow." John mumbles, eyes wide and a big smile growing on his face. "Mates, I think we just stepped into paradise."

"This is like, Blob's dream world, yo!" Toad says.

"I think I'm in love..." Kurt smiles dreamily. "Especially with that one pie over there."

The mutants pounce on the dessert table, taking practically one of everything. Even Scott, Rogue, and Wanda seem to enjoy the sugary treats, though they don't take as much as everybody else.

After everyone is finished, the AUTHOR and the Consultant finally go to the table of treats themselves.

**Wow...this is really, really, good. Thanks for making them, Consultant!**

I'd say anytime, but...there's no way you're getting me to make all this for you anytime. Just this once. 

"When did she even have the time to make all this?"

**I...really don't know. Anyhow, I promised John I'd get his lighter fixed so...**

The AUTHOR snaps her fingers and a short man with glasses appears in the room.

**This is Bobert J. McBob. He's a PROFESSIONAL lighter fixer! **

The AUTHOR hands Mr. McBob John's broken lighter, Mary. Mr. McBob looks at it closely, then brings out a screwdriver. After a few tweaks, Mr. McBob has fixed it. John squeals happily and gladly takes his lighter back.

"SHE'S ALIVE!" John dances around. "He fixed her, and she works perfectly! Oh, thank you, Bobert! Thank you!" John hugs Mr. McBob, who looks uncomfortable. John then hugs the AUTHOR, picking her up and swinging her around the room.

**WHEE! **

John puts her back down and goes back to celebrating the rebirth of his lighter. He turns around to thank Mr. McBob again, but the man has disappeared.

**I don't know how he does it. I didn't poof him away, or anything! There's not even a door in here...Ooh, a mystery!**

Nu-uh. We did that already. One show only; no encores, repeats, or references.

"Where are we, anyway?" Wanda asks.

**I thought we all agreed that I didn't know?**

You could always poof a door and, oh- I don't know, find out? 

**Brilliant, Consultant, brilliant!**

Hmph.

The AUTHOR magically makes a door appear. She opens it to have a cloud of dust blow into the room along with a stray tumbleweed. She coughs.

**Where are we?**

The Consultant look out.

Hmm...looks like...oh. We're in Death Valley! 

**Wow! And I didn't even know! **

"Didn't a lot of people die in this valley?" Kurt asks, nervous.

**Duh, why do you think it was called DEATH Valley? **

Scott's cellphone rings. He picks it up and his face instantly looks surprised.

"Uh, it's for you, AUTHOR," Scott blinks.

**For me? Okay. **

The AUTHOR takes the phone from Scott.

**Hello? Who is this? Professor Xavier? Oh, hi Charlie! How did you even know they'd be here? You watched my show? Aw, I'm touched. Yes, yes– I'm almost through. Don't worry. They'll be home in no time. Toodles! **

She gives Scott his phone back. Suddenly, Wanda's phone rings. She picks it up, listens for about two seconds, then hands it to The AUTHOR.

"It's my annoying little brother, Pietro," Wanda explained. "I have no clue why he wants to talk to you."

**Okay. Pietro? You wanted to be in my experiment? Perfect acting skills? What perfect acting skills? Charisma? HA! Yeah right! Uh, no, I don't think you would have been perfect for it. No. Ah, no. No, I'm not gonna do it again just to ease your wounded pride. Yes, that's what it is. Because you're an egomaniac! Worse than Remy! NO. Not happening. Bye!**

The AUTHOR once again hangs up.

**Okay, well, that's all folks! Can we all walk outside please? I'd hate to take ya'll back to my house!**

The mutants walk out of the dome.

"Can Oi please have a ride back to the base, luv?" John asks.

**Sure!**

"Would you mind taking me as well?" Piotr asks too.

"A ride back would be wonderful, Petite, if yo' don' mind," Remy smirks.

**Eh, why not? Come back into the dome and we'll be off!**

The three mutants promptly do so.

"Oi kinda like the dome..." John observes. "Nice and cozy."

"What about us?" Kurt says.

**Well, you didn't ask nicely, now did you? BYE!**

See ya'll later! Or actually, take that back...It's been fun, but there's a steaming cup of tea with my name on it waiting for me at home.

"We know what you mean," Scott nods.

"Wait, you're gonna leave us here?" Kurt yelps.

**Since you didn't ask...yep! TOODLES!**

And just like that, the dome, The AUTHOR, The Consultant, John, Remy, and Piotr, disappear.

"They left us!" Kurt cries. "She left us in Death Valley! Man, my mom was right when she said that being polite would take me places..."

"She left me in a straight jacket!" Magneto complains.

"This is no fair, yo!" Toad cries.

"Figures," Rogue growls.

"Now how are we going to get home?" Bobby whines.

"I'll call the Professor..." Scott moans.

"Do you think he'd take me home, too?" Wanda asks.

"Probably," Rogue nodded.

"Now what?" Kurt asks.

Later, when they all finally made it back home, the mutants would find that the AUTHOR had been true to her word and had dropped John, Remy, and Piotr off at their base. She had also written a note with the following words:

**WE MADE IT TO THIRTY-TWO PAGES. COOL, HUH? HAVE FUN NOW!**

Of course, no one really knew what she meant by thirty-two pages, but they figured that it was a good thing in her messed up little mind. None of them had heard from her since, except for John, who admitted that they had met up a few times to chat about book ideas and the like. The Consultant, however, was quite content to go on with her life, and pretend as if the previous experiment had never happened.

THE END.

* * *

**M&M:** Wow! That was fun! Man, it's all over...That's sad. I (**Strawberry M&M**) have really enjoyed this!

Hallelujah! It's finally done with! I'm Freeeee! Seriously though, this has been a fun ride. I...might be slightly sad to see it go. (after I'm done celebrating freedom)

About the sequel, I will write it, but we might not post it, so, don't be too disappointed if it doesn't happen. And even if we do post it, it will NOT be in the X-men Evolution fandom. We're on to kidnap a whole NEW bunch of victims now! Muwahaha! But as I said, we might not post it. It really depends on how funny it turns out. If we do post it, it might be posted in a few months. Wish us luck writing it!

Me and One-Eye are VERY thankful to those who have reviewed! Those people include: Lady Firewing, Arich, Sonar, Death For One, tr1xx777, and poestheblackcat. Y'all have NO idea how much your reviews mean to me! And my sister, of course.

Yes- thank you all so very much.

Now, speaking of reviews, do so. It's only fair. We've given you SIX chapters of endless silliness, it's only right to pay us back in reviews! Please? Pretty Please with flaming buildings on top?

But remember: Flames will be used to roast marshmellows, given to Pyro to play with, used for something to stare at, used to torch my homework, and then will be quickly put out with gasoline. Oh yeah. That'll be bad. Do you WANT my house to burn down? You DO know that gasoline and fire don't mix, yes? Exactly. So don't flame!

Well- that's all folks. Thanks so much for reading!

The One-Eyed Lady

Strawberry M&M


End file.
